A Very Brief History of Dating

I start this post from the basics: Wikipedia’s definition of dating. It does actually re-direct you to courtship, which gives the concept a somewhat more vintage feel, but it defines it in a nutshell thus serving as a good trampoline for this post.

Courtship is the process of selecting and attracting another for an intimate relationship such as love, sex, commitment, living together, marriage, and having children, or any combination of these. Courtship may last days, months, or even years, but some lovers skip courting altogether as in cases of love at first sight or arranged marriage.
Many couples stop courting or going out after they have chosen to remain together, or after they have married, or after they have children. Those that do still may still call these outings “dates”.

My intention here is to depart from the standard boy-meets-girl scenario and talk about a particular form of dating. One that has become an intrinsec part of the overall getting together game (mating game would have sounded a bit too much out of an Attenborough show about friendly penguins).

You will have guessed by now that this is going to be a post about online dating. Hmmmm… There is enough material here for a novel, an encyclopedia even. Or – why not – a manual on the evolution of the dynamics of relationships. Volume 2007.

Seeing that I have called this post the way I have, let’s rewind back to 1998. A dear friend of mine is telling me she is going to meet up with a guy off the internet. On paper/e-mail he sounded fab: good job, decent age when you’d expect a man to be past the times of exploring avenues ever so new. The photo ain’t that bad either so what do I say? ” Are you sure about this? What if he’s a psycho?”

Now, I am going to be frank and admit to a higher than usual degree of paranoia. Where it comes from, it beats me, probably from some childhood experience, as is the case with everything that is not right in your life. Let’s blame it on the parents…

In my defense, though, in those times, meeting up with a faceless individual whose only relationship with you is based on typing sounded a bit crazy. She herself agreed thus keeping the way she met her now husband under wraps with many of their friends and family. The “now husband” bit reveals that particular story was a success. As she then put it to me: how is it different from meeting a guy in a bar? Well, eerrrgh, I don’t know how….You see them first, true, but that doesn’t mean they can’t turn into a monster of boredom or the drunkard from hell. Always looking on the bright side, me.

Roll on almost a decade later and if you’re single and have not given online dating a try, you are wasting your time. At least that is the case in my circle of friends. Many have tried it out.

Conversations amongst young and old rate www.match.com higher than www.meetic.com, whilst the newer discovery www.mysinglefriend.com is winning many over through the endorsement of the always pregnant, TV tough cookie Sarah Beeny. On her site, you basically big up your friend “without their knowledge” they are then chuffed at the surprise of it all (ha!), upload some witty comment themselves and before they know it, the virtual doors of your singlehood are crashed down by eager suitors. Hallelujah! Ladies and gentlemen, where does that happen in real life, if you are not Eva Herzigova or George Clooney?

There are even specialised religion-oriented sites where you can make sure you avoid unwanted outsiders and stick to your own. No extra comment on this one. You know who you are…

And I am pretty sure that a bit of time in my hands would yield a variety of dating websites catering for the pickiest amongst us.

My friends’ experience with online dating stretches across a broad range:

* some met their current spouses on the internet

* others have had to go through a lot of strange characters to get to a decent partner material.

* there are of course those who were asked if they liked setting fire to things which I’d rate as rather alarming. They had this conversation on date numero uno and a second date followed! Why??

* there have been trans-continental liasions as well as trans-generational ( call me a skeptic but who buys the 62 year old guy and the 24 year old girl story….not me, not you and certainly not him)

* there have also been cases of “is he ever going to make the next step??” series of dates when eventually the said dates were classified as a waste of time; in this online dating business people are serious and not inclined to waste time with niceties; Get to the point: unless mentioned otherwise, you are not there to find another male friend…

In my case the jury is still out debating as to where I stand on this issue. On the fence would be the answer at the moment. Would I try it if I were single? Probably. Would I look forward to the experience? Probably not. I’d be petrified.

The over analyzer in me has a few issues with this modern way to meet your match:

* although I myself would be involved in the process, I could not help thinking: “What’s wrong with him? Why is he here, if he is so perfect?”

* I would then wonder how I’d fare against the other 500 women he met that month

* So I’d end up paying ridiculous money to make myself look fab, thus letting myself in for a big and unforgiving fall should a second date occur ( spend the same money again now that I’m in or let him see the real me? Would not call this a win/win situation.)

* Also, very importantly, what if we don’t like each other? Do I stand up and go home? Or, worse, would I have to continue dining on my own should he up and leave?

I guess we can all conclude that I should stick to more traditional ways. I said it before, I met Amore in a bar in Shoreditch and that will do me fine.

But I am intrigued by how fast times have moved. Is internet dating a good thing to humanity? Clearly it is, for many. Virtual matchmaking is fastly replacing any other kind of happiness accommodating third party.

GSOH, LOL, :0), :0(, XX, watch out for the new language of love….

To be continued…..